EVERYBODY WANTS THIS

Song- They Not Like US, Kendrick Lamar

EVERYBODY WANTS THIS………-  SONG- THEY NOT LIKE US

And it couldn’t have come at a better time. 

After what has been one of the most painful years, being immersed in a global conversation around the conflict in the middle east,  I have found myself becoming more connected to my roots, my heritage, and my Jewish community. I have spent WAY too much time in the online rabbit holes of doom and gloom, hate, so much hate directed at the Jewish people. 

Diving into one of my preferred forms of therapy, a good show, and even more, a good ROM COM. It has always been one of my favorite escapes. It is no wonder or mystery why I chose a career as a producer. 

Here is why I love NOBODY WANTS THIS. 

At its core, it's about the endless quest for love and connection. This is something that is and has always been a universal theme. Look at shows like Love is Blind, the social experiment where people connect through a wall, never meeting to then get engaged, and accelerate, what is generally a much longer process of getting to know you. Too hot to handle, 90 day fiance, sex in the city, Harlem, sex education, I could go on, but this would become a novel. 

A hot progressive Rabbi, falls in love with an equally hot and adorable “Shiksa” (YIDDISH FOR NOT JEWISH GIRL)  podcaster who has a podcast that focuses on dating and sex. Worlds apart that might seem, but strip it all away, just like Notting Hill, when Julia Roberts who plays a huge movie star, (Art imitating life, or life imitating art? ) explains to Hugh Grant, a simple book shop owner, to see her as “Just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her”. 

We have so many societal boundaries, religion, culture, ethnicity, that insist on keeping us divided, but at the end of the day, what so many of these stories are about, are the things that unite us, what make us human, our similarities, not our differences. 

I am late to watch this show so I have seen some reviews, and of course every single one of my group chats with friends have exclaimed “HAVE YOU WATCHED IT YET??”

Let’s face it, there are some “tropes” about us Jews, but this is how I feel about them in this show. This show was written well before this conflict, as well as filmed. Tropes can be harmful of course, and often we see them in the media, which have been critiqued and some corrected in our new world of cancel culture, and DEI. However, Tropes can also be funny, and help to articulate or exaggerate some truths. 

Look at my big fat Greek wedding, or Crazy rich asians, Blackish.

Are Jewish parents often overbearing? YES. Are we raised to try and marry and raise a family and keep it kosher and in our faith, YES. Can Jewish women be strong, and overbearing, YES. Do we often seem insular, and cliquey? YES. Do we have strange food like chopped liver and gefiltiefish? YES. Are the women often the matriarchs, and treated as such? YES. 

Growing up, I actually rejected this a lot. I felt it was suffocating, I wanted to explore, and meet new people. I was always a bit of an “outlier”. A little left, and “woke” now these two words have a whole new meaning, and I do not identify with the current status quo. I wasn’t scholastic, I didn’t often date the “doctor or lawyer” or even Jewish men, I was outspoken, and sometimes found the insular nature of our community to be a negative, and I would call it out. Just ask my friends about the Covid Camp gate.. Lol I can laugh now, but at the time, it was not funny. That story is for another day. 

There is also so much that I LOVE about my community and our traditions.

 Our ability to come together in hard times. Shiva’s, a time where the entire community comes to surround you during a time of grief. Our sense of humor even in dark times. My dad died when I was 14. I was one of the first shiva’s of way too many, my friends and I sat together. He died on Labor day weekend, and the Monday of the first day back in grade 9, was a half day. About 40 kids came piling into my house, and instead of making it about the sadness, my mom ordered pizza for everyone. It’s what we do, we feed those who come into our homes. She let me be a teenager, and helped to soften the blow with my introduction to grief. 

Shabbat Dinners, the notion of family being the most important. The celebration of life, and rights of passage like bar and bat mitzvahs. 

 Now, in this new world, I understand it more than I ever did. Our community is small, and our history long. We have always survived by staying close knit, taking care of each other when nobody else would. We are so small, I never realized how small until this moment, so preservation and procreation, and keeping our small tribe alive is more important than it's ever been. And being the non scholastic ADHD kid, I didn’t even really realize after 13 years of hebrew school, that most of our holidays were around people trying to kill us or, us escaping genocide, persecution, oppression, and ethnic cleansing,  I KNOW RIGHT?  

When Joanne (Kristen Bell) explains to Noah (Adam Brody), in episode one, that she doesn’t really believe in G-d, his response is what I find to be one of the most beautiful parts of our religion and culture. He explains a big part of being Jewish is studying, and trying to figure out what G-d means. And what G-d Means to us. We are taught and encouraged to ask questions, to challenge, to learn. To study,debate, to educate, to think critically. This is something I have done a lot more of this past year. 

The show also shows a lot of the amazing things about Jewish culture. Our sense of community, our family values, our traditions, that have been carried for thousands of years. 

Right now we as a community, we are of course more sensitive, and anything deemed negative, feels like a threat. There is so much hate, so many tropes and lies, and misinformation surrounding us about who we are, where we came from. And I do just like many other communities, and as a producer, want to see more and better representation of Jewish people and our diversity on screen. 

That said, this show is adorable, and certainly paints a picture of one aspect, one type, of stereotypical privileged north american jewish family, and that is ok. It works. Of course we are more than this one representation, but this is Noah and Joanne’s story. No one’s people are a monolith. 

One of my favorite things about the show is how it displays the intimacy of sharing another’s culture, and the beauty it brings when we do. When Noah gives Joanne her first shabbat after dismissing her out of fear of what dating a “gentile” would do to his career, it brought me to tears. Watching someone else learn about one of the most beautiful parts of our traditions.   

Experiencing it, for a moment, seeing it represented in a positive light. To see it out in the open, the scene has him creating a shabbat dinner, in a random restaurant, the beam of the light from the candles, the prayers, said out loud, for just a moment, a small moment, it felt ok, it felt permitted, it felt like something to celebrate. This feeling that felt so unfamiliar after what feels like a year of a global smear campaign, and the feeling of having to hide our identity or defend it. I used to feel so proud or not even think twice about saying “I am Jewish” when someone asks me about my background, an uber driver, a colleague. I now shudder with fear. Fear of being hated, misunderstood, judged, or worse, harmed. 

Nobody wants this, feels like a little bit of a truce, a place where Jew and Hatred were not synonymous. I was feeling excited and surprised, that it wasn’t being “boycotted” or even that it is being enjoyed by so many, and not being identified or categorized. It’s a story about love, and identity, and yes our leading man is Jewish, a Rabi, the ultimate Jew, and somehow, in a world where our very existence and identity has become controversial, it isn't. 

This show is a reminder that learning more about what we don’t know instead of fearing or judging it can bring us closer together. Being open minded, recognizing that we are all human, and no matter our job, religion, race, socio economic background, sexuality, we are all deserving of love, respect, and connection. 

One of my favorite sayings, A bird and a fish can fall in love, but where will they build a home? I have thought about this, from the time I was a young adult, the first time I heard it. I wanted to figure this OUT?  I hated the idea of love with parameters. After years, I came to the conclusion, they could build a home, with a tree near the water. Not every home is the same, not every relationship is the same, not every family is the same, not every person is the same. Love is not one size fits all. 

So, with that, I maintain, Nobody Wants This, was an exhale I didn’t know I needed. A spotlight on Jews without the hate or divisiveness, and a love story, a romantic comedy, and it’s fun, and light hearted.  I have forgotten how to just exist without feeling the intensity of the world around me. Thank you Netflix and Erin Foster, for this gift.